INSANITY

I try to get closer to God. I try to remember every day to invite God in. I can't begin to know what that even means. I don't believe anybody can begin to know what that means and relay it in limited human terms, either. I don't even know for sure how to go about getting closer to God. I mostly just experiment. I imagine it's an intuition guided process. I act as I suppose I feel closer. 

I've had strange experiences that, as I noted in another blog, science suggests may simply be my under-active right parietal lobe. But as a believer, and as all believers in anything will find a way to explain away any evidence, I have simply concluded that the absence of activity surely must be what allows God in. Ridiculous, right? That is fine. I'm ridiculous in so many ways, what's one more? I sometimes think I hear an inspired thought, and even when I'm not so sure I'll go ahead and trust it. Kierkegaard convinced me well enough in his exploration of the tale of Abraham and Isaac – see “Fear and Trembling” - that faith is pure madness, insanity. Still, I would like to be as faithful as Abraham on that hilltop, that insane.

There is much in the world that is simply alternative insanity, and all that madness gets along all the same, toward whatever end it has. All things end, and so all madness ends. The infinite growth of capitalism is pure insanity in a world and even universe of limited resources, but the avaricious are especially fond of it because belief in it allows them to keep trying as long as they live to fill the bottomless pit of their desire, a goal they will never attain. Daily, people across the globe pollute, harm, annihilate and self-destruct in countless ways, and they can speak it reasonable in a multitude of ways, but it's madness.

People don't see what they are doing, because they are so lost in “I” that they don't see that “we” means the same thing. They don't see the health of everything around them as connected with their own health. They don't see that for health we need a balanced approach. They don't see that for real healing the only solution is the connection that lifts up all things. Anything else is madness.

I think it's crazy to think that all there is to me is me. That's fucking absurd. What a limited view! It doesn't take much thinking to see that if the world around you is shit, you are going to be in a shitty way. Care for things, and everything lifts up. I think that God is the essence of connection between all things. I would be so connected, remember that connection every day.

I think God is in all things, so I can't really get closer to God but in the consciousness of God, in the awareness of that connection. That may be the purpose of consciousness, of being at all: to attain God-consciousness. Sometimes, I remember to look around and see nothing but God. Then, everything shines. It feels like truth, so I roll with it. I'm grateful for that connection.

Frankly, I hesitate to admit all of this. But I tell you because I think it's a useful practice, this trying to find a way to be better, to connect and serve better, to lift up. It's the madness of faith, I suppose. I never did let something sounding a little crazy stop me from trying it out. And if you can find that a little madness makes you happier, healthier, and lifts up those around you to, then please do the world a favor and go fucking crazy with it.